What do you do when one of the students asks, “What do I need to do to get a passport so that I can go to America?” Maybe you don’t see anything wrong with this question, but for me, it comes with a lot of emotional hardship. One of the students wanted to have a conversation about the kinds of jobs he could get in America as a teenager and what the necessary steps to go to school would be. While I was excited that he was thinking about school, I was also overcome with sadness. For many of the students, completing basic school will be the hardest challenge they face. With pressure from home to work, pressure from others to go down the wrong path, arranged marriage and many other factors, it will be rare to accomplish more than school. When I write this, it sounds very negative and pessimist of me, however, I’m mostly being honest about the realities they face. I wish more than anything that the students I work with excel in every aspect of life and get to a point where they have broken the vicious cycle that is in place for the poor people in India. So when Raju wanted to discuss making it out and living in America, I couldn’t help but feel pain: pain at the idea of him having all these amazing dreams, but having everything work against him and ultimately failing. I’ve spent so much time with the students talking about my college experience and how important it is for them to finish school, that I felt guilty for a moment; like maybe my presence was doing more harm than good. Would Raju be thinking about going to America if I had not come and planted all these wonderful ideas in his mind? Yes, some might say that it’s good to plant ideas of finishing school and the importance of education. And to that, I would agree 100%. I guess more of my concern and pain comes from them having goals they cannot reach. I hate to say that because others have always told me that I can do anything and that nothing is out of reach. I’m not saying I don’t believe in them, because trust me, I do. I think that’s why I feel so much pain and hurt for them. I don’t want them to fail and even more than that, I don’t want them to feel the pain that comes with failure. I guess I know what teachers feel like in different realms of schooling.
So after talking this out and crying a bit to my brother, he brought up some good/heavy questions for me to think about. I’ve planned to continue this kind of work as a career, so he asked me, “Can I do this over and over again?” Before coming here I thought without a doubt that this work was where I belong. And while I still believe that, I’m starting to realize it’s a bigger emotional rollercoaster than I had prepared for. Sure you can always adjust to the culture of where you’re staying, but can you ever really get use to the emotional attachment that comes along with working with so many incredible people? It’s something I’m going to have to spend the rest of my time at Bowdoin thinking about. I also recognize that me being here is not in any way a waste of time. The same brother of mine also reaffirmed that my love for the students has been worth more than the photo skills I’ve given them or the typing skills they’ve learned. I know when I was in high school going through my own obstacles, the people who showered me with love and spent time with me, were the people to make the biggest impact in my life. I will never forget that, and now I know that it’s the one thing I’m hoping the students never forget as well. I also had help from a fellow volunteer and he told me something absolutely beautiful. He said, “ You being here is something I call a ‘privilege’. The things we think about as privileges in the states (money, property, etc) aren’t anything compared to the privilege of seeing the world in a real way. You being here this summer is a way to experience the world not many are not fortunate to have”. Wow, what a great way to look at things. I may leave this place, but this experience will never leave me.
On a lighter note, I rode on the back of a motorcycle today! I know my brother didn’t want me doing that, but I had to because my auto was a no show, so Dr. B. sent the motorcycle. I didn’t have a helmet, so I was nervous and scared at the beginning, but then after a while I let my hair down and enjoyed the ride. I thought I got stares before, but it seemed like me on a bike with this young man (who I might add was a handsome gent) was a bigger deal than just me in a rickshaw. I know it was dangerous, but I was actually really excited I got the experience :D
No comments:
Post a Comment